UBS_Mom
Best in Show
Posts:1917
 | | 10/09/2007 8:10 AM |
| Nice post Dakota  ...and so true for so many of us... | | | |
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SheltieChateau
Champion
Posts:33
| | 10/09/2007 12:24 PM |
| | Well said, everyone. I had a cat once when I was dating my ex-husband. Cat didn't like him and he didn't like her. I was forced to choose, and made the mistake of choosing the man. I left him 8 years later and realized I had made a terrible mistake giving up my cat. She was trying to tell me something, I think, and I wouldn't see it. Your dog might be trying to tell you something too about the new BF. Since you've already given him to your parents and he's happy there, leave him there. He's been uprooted enough. As for the BF, if he doesn't want to be bothered caring for a dog, whatever you do, don't get pregnant! | | | |
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Sibe2163
Champion
Posts:4
| | 10/09/2007 2:18 PM |
| I know how hard it is to be away from your pets. I had a min-pin before I got married, then I got married, and we moved into an apartment, the problem wasnt with my wife though, it was a problem of getting the money to pay for the pet deposit at the apartment, so my min pin had to stay with my mom, and mother in law for awhile until we could get the money for the pet deposit. I really missed her 
As for the b/f that would be a really tough call, and only you can make that decision, luckily my wife is also an animal lover so we didnt have any problems like that...GOOD LUCK on whatever you decide  | | | |
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allie1964
Best of Breed
Posts:386
| | 10/09/2007 2:59 PM |
| | If my guy ever asked me to give up my dog and I did it (which I NEVER would) I know the resentment I would feel towards him would end up destroying the relationship anyways. Leave poor Ace with mom & dad since clearly they love him and want him. He's happy now and that's what matters. Like everyone else here says, rethink the boyfriend. If he loves you he will love the fact how much you care for the dog and hopefully thats what attracted him to you in the first place. You said he's your "new" boyfriend ..How long have you known him? And if he don't care for dogs what was it that attracted you to him? Not that ,that should be the only attraction but it is definitely a deal breaker in my book. | | | |
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horseygirltoo
Champion
Posts:53
| | 10/09/2007 3:01 PM |
| Dakota I loved the poem! I copied it and I'm going to do a needlepoint so I can hang it by my front door. Brilliant!! | | | |
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jakeysmom
Best of Breed
Posts:241
| | 10/09/2007 3:10 PM |
| | With all the issues your Berner had with leaving the ex - going into a smaller living place - I think having him at your parents, who sound like they enjoy him being there - I would let him stay there....some furbabies are not good with change.....as people..As one past said you can always visit him its your parents place!! I have to say I agree with most of the post too - I would never choose my pet(s) over a b/f - but Im not quite sure thats entirely the case here - you went into yet another smaller place and Berner was getting sick - but in any case at least he wasn't dropped off at a shelter. Remember the pets you bring into your life are very loyal and dedicated to you...it is an unconditional love - so you have to be ready for the long haul with this commitment - and if having pets in your life makes you happy, then perhaps you need to re-evaluate who you date/get involved with. Many people (women and men) who don't like pets will never adjust - its not in their nature - and quite frankly I don't enjoy being around those kind of people. Best of luck to you and Berner!!! | | | |
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Dobeluvr
Champion
Posts:100
| | 10/09/2007 5:59 PM |
| | I totally agree that my dogs are a big part of who I am. I figure, too, that my kids are probably a better judge of character (and the ex never really did like any of my dogs.) so before i would subject them to a guy whose not into them, i would let him go. Sounds like that's the general consensus.
Best of luck making the right decision. | | | |
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rotlover
Champion
Posts:47
| | 10/09/2007 6:42 PM |
| | Well there is no way that I would give up my animals for anyone, and anyone who really loves you would not put you in the position to make that choice. When my fireman and I got together......he was even willing to move to a house that would accept my animals......and pay the cost of special insurance because I have a rott.
I would also really question the dogs big change in behavior. It might not have been totally due to moving into smaller living space. If the new boyfriend does not really like the dog then how do you know how the dog is treated when you are not around?? Dogs are pretty good judges of character as far as I am concerned......and I trust my dog. There are alot of things to consider as the others have mentioned.
If the dog is better off with your parents......then leave him where he is.
Rotlover | | | |
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LASSIE47
Best of Breed
Posts:269
| | 10/09/2007 6:47 PM |
| | Hi I agree with the majority. I would never give up Lassie she can be a handful but she gives a lot of love. I would talk to someone that has experience with this problem . Just like people if you go thru a lot of changes at once it can be scarey. Hope you work something out. Helen & Lassie | | | |
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adoptapittie
Champion
Posts:170
| | 10/10/2007 12:16 PM |
| | When I first met my husband and we became serious the first thing I told him was my dog is here to stay and if you have any issue with it there's the door. Before we moved in together I told him I expected him to care for the dog too i.e. walking, feeding etc...if I was not home to do so. He complied and everything was fine. About a year ago he started complaining about my dog sleeping in bed and he felt he should be on the floor. I reminded him of our discussion a few years ago and said my stance had not changed - the door is still where it always was. He got the point and we agreed that with future dogs they will sleep on the floor, but for the rest of Bailey's life he'll be on the bed :)
My suggetion to you is in relationships make it quite clear what your expectation with your pet is from the get go. It may not solve future problems, but being proactive can help. | | | |
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hmelinda1
Champion
Posts:15
| | 10/14/2007 6:11 PM |
| | I agree! I made a choice years ago between a man and Zeus and to this day i am glad i did. If the guy didn't want the responsibility of my dog then what next. Zeus is like my child and we are a package deal just like i would expect a man to say to me if he had a child or a dog he loved. I think it's important to see the big picture. | | | |
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chickie61
Champion
Posts:45
| | 10/14/2007 8:05 PM |
| | I just wanted to add my two cents....for what it is worth, life is responsibility. If the BF doesn't want the responsibility of a dog ...how will he be with chidren? My dogs and cats are a screening device for me. We're a package deal. that's it. I say dump the BF who doesn't want responsibility before you have kids and find out he can't handle that responsibility as well. there are many other men out there....
Chickie61 | | | |
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BizzyB
Champion
Posts:4
| | 10/16/2007 12:26 AM |
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I have always been a dog lover....even as a small child. I have raised dogs for forty-plus years.
I lucked up when I met my husband. He loves dogs as much, or even more so, if that were possible, as I do.
He would 'never' ask me to give up one of my dogs, and I have "several."
It's too bad that everyone can't agree on these subjects. Dogs depend on us completely for their care and give us unconditional love with no strings attached. We should be willing to do the same!!!!
Good luck to you and your pet.
It sounds as tho' he's in the right place and in my opinion, should stay there unless you give up the BF and find a larger place of your own. I think he would come around and be the same loving and obedient dog you've had for so long....... | | | |
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sharkbt
Champion
Posts:5
| | 10/16/2007 11:27 PM |
| | To Ace and Mom,
Grandma and Gradnpa must love you! Stay there. You have a home where many of your kind do not.
Also, love me love my dog....There are many responsiblities in life. A lot scare me but I do not ingnore them or run from them. If the love, want and desire is strong enough, then he is the right man for you.
Sincerely,
Nicole | | | |
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IrishAsian
Best in Group
Posts:534
| | 10/18/2007 9:42 PM |
| | Berner -- I am sorry to hear about your woes.
I think your dog needs reassurance and althought I am not a doggy expert, I do know that my kitty is moved around a lot and she does feel a bit of anxiety and cowers around her new surroundings before she begins to feel comfortable. But she learns to adapt to her new environment but I spend lots and lots of time with her and I make sure she knows that I am still her "normal" environment. When my ex and I ended, she slinked around and was lost without her "daddy" but gradually she came around in about a year. So your berner might need some period of adjustment.
Now this next part...well this may seem harsh. But tell the boyfriend to grow up. I am not sure how old he is but he needs to grow up. Do you want to be with someone who can't handle taking care of a dog who just wants food and love? Do you want to have children with this man? Are you going to handle raising the kids all by yourself? I don't think so. So better for him to learn responsibility now on your dog.
The pet stays, the man can leave. I would want to be with someone who was just as in love with my pet as they are with me.
Good luck with your choice...it sounds like you are torn and really want you fur baby back with you. Don't make a decision that you regret. | | | |
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teddyzach
Champion
Posts:14
| | 10/20/2007 9:11 AM |
| | As a fellow Berner owner of 2 who doesn't have a big back yard it sounds like there are more problems then just the boyfriend. If you are fortunate to have parents that will keep your dog forever and he is happy thats all that matters. Maybe next time you get a dog get a small dog so that you will be able to keep your committment. It seems apparent that berners are not for you. the first thing you did is criticize the dog.
PS berners normally dont drool. if your parents cant keep the dog there are rescue organizations for Berners . I question whether you got the dog from a registered breeder because they will always take the dog back and find it a forever home. | | | |
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jdensworth
Champion
Posts:2
| | 10/24/2007 2:59 PM |
| | Lose the boyfriend. | | | |
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elesimp
Champion
Posts:102
| | 10/24/2007 4:24 PM |
| | Berner4me, you have not responded in a while to all the posts... so I hope your problem has been solved. You have posted about losing your dog in order to please a boyfriend (at least the problems the pup has caused living with you and him.) You do know people in here are animal lovers and of course they are going to choose the animal. I to am a huge animal lover.
I see what you are saying and what everyone else is saying. They are right about how your boyfriend will be with children. Children make noise, messes, and so many other things that I do not want to mention. You can not give them to grandparents or anyone if it gets tough. Having a pet means to take care of it... no matter what They depend on you like children do. I live with family members who DO and DO NOT like animals. We all learn to live together. "Out of love".
My two cents is... (again like the others) leave the pup with the grnadparents, where he is loved and happy. Go visit Ace and let him know you still are around and love him. Think twice before getting another pet that you might not be able to commit to. Life has a way of working things out. I wish only the best for your happiness. | | | |
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nadyne33594
Champion
Posts:2
| | 12/05/2007 3:25 PM |
| | Years ago I dated (and almost married) a man and once he said "When we move in together, no more dogs - they are "inconvenient" my reaction was no contest. Never ask me to choose between a man and my dog - the dog will ALWAYS win. Dogs don't cheat, lie, etc. and are far more loving than most significant others. I loved Elaine Booser's response to her boyfriend, Stan, when he commented on why she loved her Boxer so much. Her response was "When you wiggle like he does when I come home, I'll treat you the same way!" | | | |
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Newfs
Best in Show
Posts:2474
| | 12/05/2007 6:42 PM |
| | Originally posted by nadyne33594
he commented on why she loved her Boxer so much. Her response was "When you wiggle like he does when I come home, I'll treat you the same way!" How true!!!!! I always made homemade meals for my newfs, I wanted to know what was going in them, and I wanted it to be the best food possible for them....it use to drive my Ex insane. One day he was really hungry, waiting for me to get dinner going, but I had to finish making the dogs meals first, as I was finishing up doing that, I turned to him and asked him what he would like for dinner____his reply was,
" I'll have what ever the dogs are having!" | | | |
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