| Author | Messages | |
BIGDAWG
Best of Breed
Posts:321
 | | 05/15/2006 12:12 PM |
| This test is based on how you were in High School--what crowd
you ran with, etc., but it's still pretty accurate. You may want to
send it to your friends to see if they've changed.
LET'S SEE IF YOU ARE A COOL PERSON:
http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm 
DON'T B MAD AT THE RESULT,JUST CHUCKLE AND HAVE A GREAT DAY.B-SAFE
BD | | | |
| OKarin
Best in Group
Posts:714
| | 05/15/2006 12:48 PM |
| Good test. I haven't changed. hehe | | | |
| BIGDAWG
Best of Breed
Posts:321
| | 05/16/2006 8:35 AM |
| For Dog Lovers Only
Dear Master:
The cat is despicable. She doesn't do any tricks and never comes when you call and I've been there and I know she can hear you. We need to face facts: It's time to get rid of the cat.
Before the cat's arrival, meals were very festive times. I would sit and stare attentively at your lips, trembling slightly and drooling. You would play the game of pretending to be cross and demand that I leave the area, but whenever you cooked dinner your children would slip me food under the table.
Now, though, the cat is allowed to jump on the table ? actually physically walk on the table! You don't yell at the cat, you just pick her up and put her back on the floor, and I know you don't see it, but she always gives me a haughty look as she walks past me.
And speaking of meals, I have always been satisfied to eat the gritty pellets of meat byproducts you bring home in the giant bags, right? Have I ever once, ever, failed to finish a meal? But now I find out that the cat is being served lobster and salmon and crab - and she never consumes all of it! This means there are little containers of delectable snacks lying around and how can I be blamed for making sure they get eaten? Why do you get so mad? As long as the pet food is going to the pets, isn't that what's important?
Then there's play time. I think we can clearly see that I am a big dog, descended from a noble line of hunters accustomed to chasing prey and attacking it. Haven't I nearly managed to take down a few cars as they've driven past the house? The cat is about the size of a squirrel and in my view should behave like one, but when I attempt to chase her, she hunches up and spits at me! This can't be sanitary. And shouldn't she be declawed? I'm very concerned about the potential for damage to the furniture and my nose.
Speaking of sanitation, do you realize that the cat goes to the bathroom in the house? And not in the drinking basins like you do, but in a sandbox in the basement. What are we going to say if some woman brings her baby over to play in the sandbox and the cat has been using it as a toilet? I used to police the thing for you, but you put it up out of my reach for some reason.
I'm not the only one who believes the cat is an evil person. Here's a note from the hamster:
To: Master of the house
From:Hamster
Subject: Cat
Please tell cat to stop staring at me while I work.
Signed,
Hamster,
Department of Rodent Wheels
I also tried to get a note from the fish, but apparently it believes that everything happening outside its bowl is some kind of reality-TV show.
I don't understand why the cat is allowed up on the bed and I'm not. I am far more cuddly than any stupid cat. I think her purring sounds unhealthy and may be a sign of tuberculosis. And why doesn't she ever get a bath? She smells like saliva from licking her paws - you'd never catch me licking such ridiculous places. I often smell wonderful from rolling in roadkill, yet you give me baths all the time!
And speaking of sleeping, sometimes I'll be taking a nap and she'll come right up and lie down beside me. Usually I'm too tired to do anything about it, but then later the other dogs smell her on me and crack a lot of jokes at my expense.
So, not to exaggerate, but the cat has brought the family to complete ruin. I'm sorry I have to be the one to bring it to your attention, but now that I have, I think we can all agree that we should go back to the way it was, when I was the No. 1 pet.
Yours truly,
The Dog  | | | |
| tasha01
Champion
Posts:40
| | 05/16/2006 9:28 AM |
| | Thats great bigdawg!! I love it! | | | |
| OKarin
Best in Group
Posts:714
| | 05/16/2006 10:13 AM |
| | Dawg, that is laugh out loud funny. I can almost hear my dog saying that. | | | |
| BIGDAWG
Best of Breed
Posts:321
| | 05/16/2006 11:21 AM |
| Glad u liked it stay tuned for future funnies | | | |
| OKarin
Best in Group
Posts:714
| | 05/24/2006 10:25 AM |
| | Never Argue with a Woman
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think. | | | |
| BIGDAWG
Best of Breed
Posts:321
| | 05/24/2006 6:08 PM |
| quote:
Originally posted by okarin
Never Argue with a Woman
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Especially if she has all the equipment![](/images/icon_smile_blackeye.gifborder="0") | | | |
| BIGDAWG
Best of Breed
Posts:321
| | 05/24/2006 6:10 PM |
| Amazing dog
One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed."
The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see." The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.
The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips." The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?" asked the bartender.
The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years."  | | | |
| i_repo_u
Champion
Posts:27
| | 06/01/2006 3:34 PM |
| | A husband and wife who had just retired were having thought's of buying a new vehicle! The next day, the husband calls from a dealership and say's " honey i found the perfect truck! its quad cab 4x4, it's perfect! The wife cut him off short and say's look dear, we've worked hard all our lives, all the kid's are gone, i want to recapture a little youth!
I want something sleek, low to the ground and that can go from zero to 250 in 6 second's!
A while later the husband calls and say's dear, i got what you wanted, he brought her home a set of scales! | | | |
| GoldenMom
Champion
Posts:20
| | 06/01/2006 9:38 PM |
| | A GUY GOES TO A SUPERMARKET AND NOTICES A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WHO
WAVES AT HIM AND SAYS HELLO.
HE'S RATHER TAKEN ABACK, BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLACE WHERE HE KNOWS
HER. SO HE SAYS "DO YOU KNOW ME?"
…TO WHICH SHE REPLIES "I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY
CHILDREN."
NOW HE THINKS BACK TO THE ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL
AND SAYS "ARE YOU THE STRIPPER FROM MY BACHELOR PARTY THAT I HAD
ON THE POOL TABLE WITH ALL MY BUDDIES WATCHING, WHILE YOUR PARTNER
WHIPPED MY BUTT WITH CELERY?"
SUDDENLY LOOKING VERY UNCOMFORTABLE, SHE SAID "NO, I'M YOUR
SON'S MATH " TEACHER." | | | |
| OKarin
Best in Group
Posts:714
| | 06/02/2006 10:19 AM |
| | A woman takes the last $20 from her husband's wallet and goes out to buy make-up. When she comes home and tells her husband he says "But that was for beer".
She says "I wanted to look beautiful for you".
He says "But that was what the beer was for". | | | |
| BIGDAWG
Best of Breed
Posts:321
| | 06/03/2006 11:49 AM |
| | DOGGIE LOVE
CLICK HERE
http://www.animaltastic.com/getecard.php?id=3 | | | |
| BIGDAWG
Best of Breed
Posts:321
| | 06/03/2006 11:51 AM |
| | HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
FOR ANSWER CLICK HERE
http://www.animaltastic.com/getecard.php?id=5 | | | |
| OKarin
Best in Group
Posts:714
| | 06/03/2006 12:07 PM |
| Best not to think about where that tongue has been when you get doggie kisses, especially when you accidently get a french doggie kiss.quote:
Originally posted by BIGDAWG
DOGGIE LOVE
CLICK HERE
http://www.animaltastic.com/getecard.php?id=3
| | | |
| BIGDAWG
Best of Breed
Posts:321
| | 06/04/2006 7:26 AM |
| | If you r accidentally getting the slip of the tongue by your dog,may I suggest no open mouth kissing.Shaking paws is a safer alternative,but then the dog might be thinking where has those hands been.O well thats DOGGIE LOVE.
Bd | | | |
| OKarin
Best in Group
Posts:714
| | 06/18/2006 4:53 PM |
| | Cat Heaven:
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."
The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."
God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.The mice said,"Well,we have had to run all of our lives: from cats,dogs and even people with brooms!If we could just have some little roller skates,we would not have to run again."
God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"
The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!" | | | |
| BIGDAWG
Best of Breed
Posts:321
| | 06/19/2006 3:05 PM |
| | A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an Internet cafe and the
dalmation said to the hound, "Hey, check out my web site!" The hound asked
for the address and the dalmation responded,
"www.dalmation.dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot. | | | |
| OKarin
Best in Group
Posts:714
| | 06/21/2006 9:57 AM |
| | SKINNY DIPPING
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and peach trees.
The pond was ideal for swimming, although he rarely did that anymore.
One evening he decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket with which to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and! they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "Take your time , I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or to make you get out of the pond nude."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator."
Old men can still think fast. | | | |
| OKarin
Best in Group
Posts:714
| | 06/21/2006 9:59 AM |
| | DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three redlights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?" | | | |
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