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Subject: On the lighter side......

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imaud

Best of Breed
Posts:236

08/24/2005 9:13 AM
I have no idea of the origins of the following information but the writer is my new hero! --Imaud HEALTH QUESTION AND ANSWER SESSION Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that's it....don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetables). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one...sorry. My philosphy is: No Pain...Good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated with it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO.....Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! "Round" is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways--Chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other--body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming 'WOO HOO! What a ride!'"

jennfromcanada User is Offline

Champion
Posts:154

08/24/2005 11:20 AM
<- We thought this was hilarious!!!!! Jenn, Buzz, Muffin

drambuie

Best in Group
Posts:1220

08/24/2005 1:21 PM
Imaud, Love it.

n/a

Best of Breed
Posts:436

08/24/2005 3:39 PM
imaud, Thanks for the chuckle!

trailrider68 User is Offline

Champion
Posts:2

09/12/2005 1:19 AM
Words to live by. Thanks imaud, I needed that chuckle.

marksouthfl User is Offline

Best of Breed
Posts:206

09/14/2005 11:11 PM
Hey, not only are cocoa beans a vegetable, but chocolate is usually refined with SUGAR. Two vegetables! Mark

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Forums > Animal Attraction Messageboards > Animal Planet > On the lighter side......